HoTag — Precision Tracking for Questionable Choices.
You can’t control your hoes. But you can control how hard you laugh about them. The parody “people tracker” built for messy adults, chaotic group chats, and anyone with a PhD in ignoring red flags.
Parody product. For jokes only. Don’t be weird. No real tracking. No non-consensual anything.
What the hell is HoTag?
HoTag is a parody tracking tag for the people in your life who move suspicious, text back slow, and always “just got home.” Inspired by real tracking tech, HoTag is a gag gift designed for messy group chats, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and anyone who’s ever said, “I just wanna see where they went.”
Real laughs. Fake tracking. No felonies.
HoRadar™
Visualize all your “special friends” on a playful mock map. It’s cartography for chaos.
SussAlert™
Imaginary alerts for when they get too close to their ex, their “cousin,” or the club they swore they don’t go to anymore.
HoHistory™
A comedy “timeline” showing their “movements” exactly like you always suspected (because you’ve seen this movie before).
How it works (kinda)
Three steps to comic relief. Zero steps to actual stalking—because that’s illegal and gross.
Tag It
Assign a HoTag to your favorite liability: write their name, inside joke, or “Do Not Answer.”
Open the Map
Use our mock “Find My Ho” visuals to imagine where they probably are. (Spoiler: with their “cousin.”)
Laugh With Your Friends
Send screenshots, roast your own choices, and remember: if you’re using this, you’re probably the problem too.
Choose your bundle
Built for gag gifts, bachelor/bachelorette packs, and anyone collecting red flags like Pokémon.
Classic HoTag
Single tag + digital mock “Find My Ho” screens. The gateway gag gift.
Toxic Relationship Bundle (3-Pack)
“Main Ho.” “Backup Ho.” “Mystery Ho.” Because you love a roster.
Red Flag Edition
Limited red/gold design plus mini booklet: “13 Red Flags You Ignored.”
Bachelor / Bachelorette Party Pack (10-Pack)
The ultimate pre-wedding roast accessory. Includes “just kidding” cards.
Social proof (fake, like the tracking)
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Got this for my friend. His girl did not think it was funny. We did.”
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Perfect for the group chat. 10/10 would get slapped again.”
⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Docking a star because it doesn’t actually track my ex. Coward product.”
FAQ + Safety
Is this real tracking?
No. HoTag is a parody gift. It doesn’t track real people, and you absolutely should not use any tracking device without consent.
Is this for men or women?
Anyone with questionable taste in partners is welcome. Roast everyone equally.
Is this legal?
Using HoTag as a joke: yes. Tracking people without their knowledge: hell no. Don’t be that person.